Week 11 – Put my skills to the test

Practical: Rewrite Courier-Mail article

This week, I was asked to rewrite a Courier-Mail article using the skills I have developed over the past 10 weeks.

These skills include:

  • KISS (Keep It Short and Simple)
  • Eliminate unncessary words and phrases
  • Make sure subjects and verbs agree
  • Write naturally (Whitaker, Ramsey & Smith 2012, pp. 82 & 88)

Woman trapped under Brisbane train

A woman was left in a serious condition after being caught under a train at Eagle Junction railway station just after 12pm on Wednesday.

The woman, believed to be in her 30s, was freed by emergency services at about 12:55pm.

A Queensland Ambulance Service spokesperson said the woman sustained lower leg injuries and was taken to the Royal Brisbane Hospital.

Rail commuters travelling on Airport and Doomben lines experienced delays of up to 40 minutes following the incident.

Police said the matter was treated as one of self-harm.

If you or someone you know needs help, please call:

Lifeline on 13 11 14

Beyond Blue on 1300 22 46 36

or the SANE helpline on 1800 18 SANE (7263)


References

Ames, K 2016, Module 1: Introduction to media writing, course notes, COMM11007: Media Writing, CQUniversity e-courses, http://moodle.cqu.edu.au

Lill, J 2014 (2014), Emergency services outside Eagle Junction train station, digital image, The Courier-Mail, viewed 26 September 2016, http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/queensland/woman-stuck-under-train-at-eagle-junction-train-station-brisbane/news-story/3fdffc6978a2cb47b0461d1dbb1177ad

O’Brien, C 2014, ‘Woman stuck under train at Eagle Junction Train Station, Brisbane’, The Courier-Mail, 10 September, viewed 26 September 2016, http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/queensland/woman-stuck-under-train-at-eagle-junction-train-station-brisbane/news-story/3fdffc6978a2cb47b0461d1dbb1177ad

Whitaker, W R, Ramsey, J E & Smith, R D 2012, Media writing: print, broadcast, and public relations, 4th edn, Routledge, New York.


Editing Note: The original Courier-Mail article was added to my references’ list as per Catherine’s below feedback.

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6 thoughts on “Week 11 – Put my skills to the test

  1. Hi Taylor,
    I like your news story. I think you’ve done a great job of rewriting it.
    It is nice and short, and straight to the point.
    I was a bit concerned by your references though, as you haven’t referenced the article that you have rewritten. You have referenced the image but not the article.
    Hoping to be helpful,
    Catherine

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Catherine,

      Thank you so much for bringing that to my attention.

      I completely forgot about referencing the original article.

      How silly of me. I’ll fix that up now.

      Cheers,
      Taylor

      Like

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